Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Daughters of Zion Ladies Conference- Tucson, Az

This past weekend we were very fortunate to have Sis Aurelia Hopkins speak at our Daughters of Zion Ladies Conference. Sis Michell Cardwell our Daughters of Zion coordinator for our church was also a speaker. Friday I was able to give my testimony and speak a little bit about my book. I felt like the Lord really used that and I believe that it is a stepping stone in the right direction for my ministry as a Speaker. God did a great work in every service and He certaintly revealed somethings in my life as well and I am thankful! To Him be All the Glory!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

How Could I Have Ever Doubted the Lord?

This past New Years Eve was the first time I did not write a long list of aspirations and goals I wanted to see come to pass. I have to admit to you I wasnt looking forward to the year 2010 because I knew this would be the year that my heart would be broken. The only thing that I told God that I wanted on New Years Eve 2011 was to still be sane and to still be in church. Those seemed like very simple request but knowing what I would face it wasnt.

If you read my post What Broke My Heart you would understand some of what I was talking about. My youngest brother moved out this year and in July I turned 30 years old. I also realized that I had no prospects of marriage. The one person I thought I would marry, married someone else. So here I was, standing still as everything and everyone around me passed me by. I had so many promises from God but I was doubting that any of them would ever happen. My faith had been dashed to the ground and I didnt have a future ahead. I was deeply depressed wondering why on earth I was even alive. What purpose did my existance serve? Yes, I was invovled in so many things at church and trying to be a blessing but I was not doing what God had called Me to do. I had put my ministry of writing and speaking on the back burner because I was waiting on God and it seemed God had forgotten about me.

I had started writing my book again. I wasnt sure what else to do so in the midnight and morning hours I poured everything I had into the sequel to my first book Famous In Battle. I vented all of my anguish into this project that I felt was my last hope. I wanted to run away and I knew the only way I could do that was if I had the money from selling these books to do so. When I was done I tried setting appointments with my pastor but we kept missing each other. He was gone 3 weeks and after I sent the book to the printer I finally made my way to see him in his office.

When I left I felt 100% lighter. It was decided that I was going to travel to local churches to minister when my book came out and that I would speak briefly about my book at Daughters of Zion Conference at our church in October. I am also going to be going overseas next year to the country of Spain to help teach music. These are some of the things I have always dreamed about doing!!!

It was hard for me to believe that everything that I had ever prayed for would soon be coming true. When I was in England 5 years ago I felt like God had called me to Spain. I wasnt sure how or when it would happen but it appears that timing is everything. The promise God gave me is going to come to pass. I had always wanted to minister with my testimony to local churches and as soon as my book comes out in 3 weeks I will be doing just that. I am so excited and can not believe that one conversation could change my life so much.

I figured I would always feel as if my heart would be broken but now I understand once again that God can stop the storm in an instant and declare "Peace Be Still" I have said over and over again to myself, "How could I have ever doubted the Lord?" Just when I thought it was over, God showed me it was just the beginning!!

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Sunglass/Glasses Fetish

Two of my great loves! Sunglasses and Prescription Glasses :)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

My Birthday Challenge

July 6th was my birthday and I have to admit that this year was a bit hard to swallow. My plans for this day were to basically stay home and cry all day but I decided to do something else for my birthday- A Freebie Birthday Challenge!

My dear friend Mary put a list on twitter the other day of all these restaurants that will give you free stuff on your birthday. I thought it might be cool to sign up for all of them and see vhow many free things I can get. The results were pretty overwhelming and in just one day I managed to redeem 6 coupons. I have about a dozen more that wont expire for another week or so, so I figured the challenge will continue until I am tired or they all expire which ever comes first. :)

1. a free small original sandwich from Schlotzkys

2. a 10 dollar off coupon from Victoria Secrets

3. a free gourmet burger from Red Robin

4. a free scoop of ice cream from Baskin Robins

5. a free dozen of Krispy Kreme donuts

6. a free meal at Dennys

Friday, June 25, 2010

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Summary of My Life

2010 is half way over and so I figured it was time to give the update on whats going on with me so far.

First of all, last weekend I was in San Diego, Ca for Kendra McCary and Kris Molina's wedding. Both of my brothers were in it and Kris has pretty much been like another brother to me over the years. The wedding took place on the beautiful sandy beach right in front of the Del Coronado Hotel. The sun was out and the weather was cold compare to the Arizona heat we are all used to. I am extremely happy for the both of them and know God has great things in store for them!

This past weekend also allowed us to meet up with some church friends at Sea World on Friday and visit my favorite spots in the entire world on Thursday, Belmont Park. Friday morning we had a lovely breakfast at Panera Bread. If you have never been there you are seriously missing out. The last time I had Panera was 5 years ago in Conneticut.

Next month is my 30th Birthday and I have to say it is not going to be easy for me. There are a lot of things I could say about it but I will just leave the scripture Joel 2:25-26 because thats whats been in my heart lately. God can restore the things that have been lost. I'm trying to keep reminding myself of that.

I am also considering going on a missions trip to Spain/Portugal next year. Its quite a bit of money but for 5 years Spain has been burning a whole in my heart. I havent been able to get away from it and I believe that one day I will go to that country.

There is also a cruise that is a possibility in either October or Novemeber that is is in the works but thats also up in the air.

Senior Camp is a few weeks away and although I have been a counselor for 3 years already I have not heard any word about me going. So, I guess I just have to wait and see.

My brother Eric and I are still youth cell leaders and I have recently started to help write the lessons for the kids as well. I love each and every one of them soo much and know that they are one of the reasons why I am still in Tucson.

I'm still one of the piano players for the Spanish music department. Its something I really enjoy and has challenged me every step of the way. God is moving in Spanish ministries and I am very excited to see where that will go!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A New Twist on the Virtuous Woman.

10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

My mom and I were having a really interesting conversation the other day before deciding to go shopping at the mall that afternoon. We somehow got on to Pastor's preaching on Mother's Day about the Virtuous Woman. I didnt get to hear his message because I was doing the music for Spanish church but mom mentioned to me some of the things he said. Of course this sparked my attention because although I had read Proverbs 31 many times I dont think the details of this passage really stuck to me. When I read this passage again I realized a few things. I think I had some misconceptions about what a woman's role was. There are so many people who feel like the Only place for a woman of God is at home but in reading this passage again I understand that isnt completely correct.

The virtuous woman is not "barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen" she is smart and educated. Verse 16 implies that she is a business woman who knows a thing or two about real estate. She didnt stay in the house all day long but she went out on her own to consider the field before she purchased it. Verse 24 says she sells things made by her hand so this tells me she is also an entrepreneur who manages employees. The Virtuous woman has her own money and no doubt helps along side her husband to support her family financially.

This part I never really hit me but Verse 22 talks about her clothing. She cares about her appearance and clothes herself with Fine lines. That doesnt mean that she is vain about her physical appearance just tells me she always want to put her best foot forward. She takes pride in herself.

Verse 14 talks about the domestic duties she has in feeding her family and being concerned enough about their diet to bring different foods from afar. Nutrition is important and she gives detail to how she cooks for her family. She sews and tends to a garden proving she isnt afraid of manual labor.

Verse 11 says her husband knows she is faithful and when she is out and about doing her business has no need or worrying. The Virtuous woman is trust worthy and only has eyes for her husband.

Well also know the Virtuous woman speaks wisdom and fears God. She is generous loving, and kind. These verses let me know that a woman Can do it all. She can tend to her home and family while still being educated and business oriented. This all kind of reminds me of someone I know. My Mom!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Crazy Dog!

I just took these pictures of my brother Eddie's dog and had to post them! If my mom saw him on the couch she would kill him! His name is Leonides and he is a 1 1/2 year old pit bull.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I Am an American

I am an American. I've always been an American. I was born and raised in Tucson, Arizona and have not once lived a day in Mexico. I love this country and every opportunity that it has given me from my religious freedom to my ability to vote. I believe in following the law of the land. I consider myself a law abiding citizen other than of course that speeding ticket on I-10 on my way to Phoenix one Saturday. I'm not perfect and to many my views may seem broad but I always take that as being a compliment.

The day that our Gov Jan Brewer signed into law the infamous SB 1070 I was appalled. Now I have to make some things clear. For one I am totally AGAINST anyone being in this country illegally. I along with everyone else in this country do not want criminals and drug traffickers coming here. I think it is and has always been pretty idiotic of our government to give people who are not citizens free health care with our hard earned tax dollars. We need to keep our borders secure and the truth is we haven't done enough to do so. There are parts of the US/Mexico border where there isn't even a fence and people can just walk across like nothing. One can argue that there are hardworking people here who simply come here illegally for a better life. I totally understand that and am not unsympathetic to the human plight. There are always those exceptions to the rule but either way I still feel like people should do things the right way if they want to be a citizen. Now, I could go back and go on and on how our country is built upon a huge melting pot of immigrants and that would all be true but it doesn't serve a purpose.

My issue with this law is not the pursuit of getting illegal aliens off the streets of America but rather the violation of Legal citizens rights in doing so. You see I have heard people swear up and down that this law will not racial profile anyone but that is a blatant Lie! How else will law enforcement conduct this so called justice to the law unless they single handedly look for excuses to pull over people who are not white. Yes, I did say it! Yes, I did go there because quite frankly, its the truth. They are going to be looking for people of color to harass and this law will be abused. I honestly don't believe it is worth all the hate and animosity that is going on in our state right now. It is racist and to add fuel to the fire they are pulling ethnic studies from schools and letting go teachers with accents. I'm sorry but that is completely Hateful and absurd. If you don't like the curriculum that is being taught in ethnic studies which by the way is open to Everyone, you should make changes don't just pull it out. That doesn't help your argument that we are not a state that discriminates. The whole deal with firing teachers because they have an accent is a bit offensive to me too. I lived in the South for a year and a half and I have to say it was pretty hard to make sense of their accents and they are Americans. Sooo are you telling me that if a teacher from the South with a thick accent came and taught at the University of Arizona, which by the way I attended as well, we are going to fire that teacher too because they are hard to understand? Or are we just looking for teachers who are immigrants? Does that make a bit of sense? Does their accent make them any less qualified to teach? Almost every teacher in Math at the University of Arizona has an accent. I find it hard to believe that every single one of those students never got their degree because they truly couldn't understand their math teacher. Its all just soo stupid to me.

If this law was truly a law that was justified then why all the protest? Why all the boycotts? That's because there IS something very wrong about this law and it is unjust against American citizens of color. No matter how you re-word it its still wrong. If the Justice Department is challenging the law, if the President, (who i Never agree with but you gotta give credit where credit is due) is calling the law "Misguided", If the Tucson City Council is pulling out a lawsuit, If three separate police officers are filing a lawsuit, if the United Nations is scrutinizing Arizona's new law, and I know there is more that I'm missing or unaware of..then you know there is Obviously something wrong!! I cant imagine how awful it would be if we question in our minds every time someone walks in front of us, "I wonder if that person is here illegally" The question would be why? why would you question that? The obvious answer is because their skin color is different. You want to tell me that ain't racial profiling? Which by the way violates constitutional rights.

My solution: Get rid of SB 1070 and put in place a law that actually makes sense and doesn't infringe on American rights. Finish building a fence!!!! Put more troops at the border to fight this war and point your anger at the people who are here illegally not legally. I'm sorry but although she is a Republican Jan Brewer who was appointed and Not voted in, has done an awful job since day 1. Before all this immigration stuff happened she was already making a mess of things. I pray she gets voted out and we get a Governor in office who has a bit more common sense. Our state is a cest pool of hate and anger. This cant continue. We have to reach some common ground before this state destroys itself. I pray for this state, I really do because all of this saddens me. I have heard so many personal attacks on Hispanic people and not all Hispanic people are illegal. I don't defend or justice people who are in this country illegally but I do get my feathers a little ruffled when people start saying hateful things because if you talk trash about Hispanic people you are pretty much talking trash about me. I am aware the law does not state a certain ethnicity but in Arizona there is no doubt that is who we are talking about. Why can't we all just get along? Why cant we all just be One nation under God, indivisible with liberty and Justice for all???

I think We, The United States, needs to "Man up" and realize that we created this problem. For years we have allowed employers to hire immigrants as a means of cheap labor. We have given them free health care and benefits. We have made it so that their children can come to school here without proof of citizenship and we have allowed their anchor babies citizenship. Its like placing a bowl of milk on your porch and then being angry because there are stray cats in your backyard. If we didnt allow all of those things we wouldnt be dealing with this problem. Now its like we just want to get a BB gun and shoot the cats to get rid of them but forget that we brought the milk in the first place.

So that's my little spill about immigration. I'm sure there are tons of you who don't agree but I assume since the rest of the civilized world is giving their two cents in that it cant hurt to throw in mine. I do have to add in here that I Have read the law and these are the conclusions I have drawn from it.

This is a really good place to find facts about SB 1070


Saturday, May 22, 2010

I am a Reporter - One of my Article for Apostolic News

So as many of you know I am on the writing staff at Apostolic News. I wanted to share with you one of the first articles I wrote. This story really is amazing and a testimony of what God is doing in these last days!

Sacaton, AZ- March 12th, 2010. Revival has broken out in a surrounding city near Casa Grande, AZ since a Trinitarian Co- Pastor was baptized in Jesus Name! Many members of this Trinitarian congregation have also been baptized in Jesus Name and several have received the Holy Ghost. Reverend Andy Combs, Pastor of Apostolic Tabernacle in Casa Grande, AZ was seeking the Lord in prayer not too long ago about starting a daughter work in the Sacaton and Gila River community when the Lord spoke to him and said, “Now Go and do something”. Pastor Combs began to feel excitement in his Spirit as the Lord gave him a glorious vision of Revival in this untouched area of Arizona with the Apostles doctrine of Truth. Apostolic Tabernacle is familiar with planting new churches since they already have three daughter works in the surrounding cites of Santa Rosa, Coolidge, and Maricopa, AZ. Pastor Combs parents Reverend Walton and Mabel Combs came over 40 years ago as a gift from the Lord to the city of Casa Grande. Since then Apostolic Tabernacle has been a thriving and respected church in the State of Arizona.
About a week after Pastor Combs’ prayer a man in a wheelchair by the name of Dwight showed up to his delight to a mid-week service in Casa Grande. It was there that he received the Holy Ghost by evidence of speaking in tongues and shortly after a young couple from the church, Ralph and Frances Gomez followed up with a bible study. Dwight was baptized after seeing the need for Jesus Name baptism and then revealed that he was a member of a Trinitarian Church. When Pastor Combs heard this he became concerned that perhaps Dwight’ Pastor would be angry that he had been baptized and possibly try to stop him from continuing to receive bible study lessons. Pastor Combs and Ralph and Frances Gomez decided to set up a meeting with Dwight and his pastor Collan Morris that Saturday. After studying the Word of God Pastor Morris like Saul of Tarsus felt the spiritual scales fall from his eyes as he joyfully received the revelation of the Oneness and understood the necessity of baptism in Jesus Name and about a week later asked to be baptized. Pastor Combs feeling boldness in the Holy Ghost then asked Pastor Morris if he could come and help baptize his congregation in Jesus Name. Pastor Morris informed him he was the Co-Pastor and the Senior Pastor who had recently been ill had the last say in what happened in their church.
February 7th 2010 the next morning feeling led by the Holy Ghost Pastor Combs and Ralph and Frances Gomez skipped their morning service and went to the Community Center in Sacaton where the Trinitarians were having their Sunday service. This was totally out of character for Pastor Combs, but he was convinced this was of the Lord. When they arrived Co-Pastor Morris introduced them to the Senior Pastor, Reverend Mendoza. Reverend Mendoza was not as inviting as Pastor Combs had hoped but nevertheless he listened to his teaching. Pastor Combs began to feel the doubt of the enemy telling him he had wasted his time showing up at this church that morning uninvited. Then after a small intermission; testimony service began and Pastor Combs realized this could be his only chance to speak in the service. As he stood up he really wasn’t sure what he would say but the Lord reminded him about his prayer that day about a daughter work arising in the Sacaton and Gila River areas. Then the words came to him and he shared his vision of seeing a great revival in their community and the mighty work of miracles that God wanted to give to them. The congregation responded to his words with weeping and a heavy spirit of intercessory prayer. Shortly after, a few choruses were sung and Co-Pastor Morris began to preach and after about 15 minutes he invited Pastor Combs to come to the pulpit. When he got up to the front he began feeling the anointed of the Lord as he taught about the Oneness of God and how Peter preached on the Day of Pentecost about Repentance, Water Baptism in Jesus Name, and the infilling of Holy Ghost by evidence of speaking in other tongues. When he was done preaching Pastor Combs approached the Senior Pastor once more and began to convey to him his background. Senior Pastor Mendoza said he knew who he was and knew he was coming because two years earlier there had been a prophecy in their services that said a church on Saguaro Street would come help them. It just so happens that Apostolic Tabernacle is located on Saguaro Street! Pastor Mendoza exclaimed, “You finally came after all this time” and embraced Pastor Combs and both men wept together realizing this was ordained of the Lord. Before leaving Pastor Combs explained that he wanted to help them start outreach in their area and Pastor Mendoza agreed.
When Pastor Combs arrived home that afternoon he was glad he had obeyed the leading of the Holy Ghost. He received a call from Co-Pastor Morris a few hours later informing him he would bring some of the members of his church to their evening service in Casa Grande. The congregation of Apostolic Tabernacle could not contain their excitement as eight or nine members were in attendance and three of them were baptized that night in Jesus Name and every one of them left speaking in other tongues! The following Sunday night Senior Pastor Mendoza was also in attendance and received a touch of God.
Last Saturday March 6th 2010 Apostolic Tabernacle put together an outreach service at the Community Center near Sacaton with prizes, snacks, and beverages for their guest. They registered many people for follow-up bible studies and had approximately 185-200 souls in attendance. They brought with them their portable baptismal tank and six received the Holy Ghost and two were baptized in Jesus Name. There was such a wonderful response to special speaker Rev. Franco Platania’s message of Salvation. This is a community that is desperately hungry for God.
Wednesday there were two more that were baptized following a bible study and many more are to come. Pastor Combs is thrilled to see the Lord making his vision of great Revival come to pass. God is doing an amazing work not only in Casa Grande but all over Arizona. We are looking forward to many more great reports as the days and weeks unfold!


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

My Favorite Pictures

My most favorite vacation place in the World! Santa Monica Pier, Ca

My fellow JCMer Tiffany Wilbanks-Wells wedding in Eva, AL

The Portland Head Light in Portland, ME. Had no idea till later this light house was so famous!

Viewing Niagara Falls from the Canadian side while attending General Conference in Toronto

At the entrance of the Riverwalk on the Mississippi River in New Orleans, LA

My Missions trip to England in front of the gates at Buckingham Palace.

Visiting Sis Elona Rowland in beautiful San Fran

Me and Sis Linda Eaton At North American Ladies Conference in Louisville, KY

Thursday, May 6, 2010

To the Guy Who...

To the guy who didn't get labeled as the tall, dark, and handsome kind.

To the guy who was never appreciated for his sincerity, humility, and brilliant mind.

To the guy who none of the girls considered as more than their friend.

To the guy who watched silently as the bad boys broke their heart over and over again

To the guy who heard a dirty joke and knew he had to walk away.

To the guy who always does the right thing and wont let pride and ego stand in his way.

To the guy who decided not to let sports, cars, and the gym dominate his world.

To the guy who still believes in chivalry and knows how treat a girl.

To the guy who considers true character before asking a girl out on a date.

To the guy who knows that sex can wait for the one he will call his wife and soul mate.

To the guy who is not impressed with the young girls that are caught up in their own worldly vanity.

To the guy who wants a girl who is holy both on the inside and out because that is what qualifies as real beauty.

To the guy who looks across the aisle and falls in love with the way she worships the Lord.

To the guy who is on his knees in prayer and never fails to read the word.

This is to all of you who continue to stay strong and walk straight forward.

Be of good courage because in due season you will reap your reward.

The Lord sees that your heart and thoughts are pure in everything you do.

He will bless and make every dream come true.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Top 21 Signs the Girl you are Dating is a Psycho!

This is for all my dear guy friends!

1. She has watched the Notebook 20 times and calls you her Noah
2. When you buy her flowers and she says “what do I do with them?”
3. If you are scared of her because she can really beat you up.
4. If you just met her at your therapy session group.
5. If she wears a size 13 shoe.
6. If her own dad tells you she is crazy.
7, If she tells her dog Pookie she loves him more times than she tells you.
8. If she calls and texts you more than 30 times a day.
9. If she breaks up with you on myspace or a text message then calls the next day saying she cant live without you.
10. If her X-boyfriends include a barber and a guy that looks like shrek.
11. If she makes you and Easter basket and leaves it on top of your car
12. If she is 30 and still doesn’t know how to drive.
13. If she makes you a pillow.
14. If she calls someone her best friend and that person is not even aware they are friends.
15. If she stalks you by show up at your church unannounced.
16, If you met her on Friday and by Wednesday she is talking about marriage.
17. If her favorite song is “I Kissed A Girl” by Katy Perry.
18. If she suddenly decides to buy a mini van.
19. If she circles around your block at 2am hoping you will come outside.
20. If she tells you its the will of God for you two to be together.
21. If she bakes you a pie that she is allergic to just to prove her baking skills

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

What Broke My Heart

Have you ever been brokenhearted? I know everyone has been there at one time or another. But I wonder has your heart ever exploded in so many jagged tiny pieces that you asked yourself if it was too broken for even God to repair? I would have never imagined that this thought would have entered my mind but not too long ago it did.

I've been through a lot of things in my life, possibly more than most people my age. I was hit my car at age 3 and have spent the last 26 years of my life in a wheelchair. I've undergone many physical challenges and have sat at death's door on numerous occasions. I've had my fair share of people that I have loved pass away and although God has blessed me beyond measure I have to say it’s been a tough road. Despite everything that has happened I have never lost my faith in God. Yes, I've doubted God like every human being I know but in the end I knew God would see me through.

So what happened you ask that I would dare allow my merger mind to question if my broken heart was too broken for God? Well, its may sound very pathetic and even a little silly but I will tell you anyway. The man that I believed with all my heart that I would marry married someone else. No, this wasn't some little girl crush on some guy that I just saw from a distance at a youth rally. This was something I felt with all my heart was the will of God. I had prayed and I had fasted and no one on the face of the earth fit into my life the way he did. If I divulged my entire heart to you and told you the entire story all you would probably say was "Wow!" You would look at me with total agreement that this was "The One". There were those emails, talks on the phone, and other things that just made sense. It was in fact an incredible story with things that after a while could not be called coincidence. It seemed that the hand of God orchestrated this love story. It all appeared logical and even though there were doubts I believed against hope that someday this man and I would grow old together.

Then I got the word of his engagement. It just seemed wrong and I kept reminding God that He had made this promise to me and His word says He can't lie. I prayed and I fasted because I wanted to believe that this was all some big mistake and that at the end of the day I would be standing at that altar with him and not her. I told God that His word says that He is not the author of confusion. Everything that God had ever whispered to my heart came true. God had told me that I would go over seas before I turned 25 and although it seemed like it wouldn't happen it did! I went to England 3 months before my 25Th birthday. God had told me I would teach Spanish at the bible college the next school year and sure enough that Summer I got a call asking me to teach. God had told me that I was going to be at Bible College till May of 2005 and although I lost some of my financing and came inches to leaving the school, God came through and I stayed. There were all these promises and God stayed true to His word so I was holding God to this promise just the same.

He got married. Talk about feeling like someone just punched you in the stomach knocking the wind right out of you. It was over. My dream that I had waited for so long to happen didn't happen to me it happened to someone else. I felt like God had failed me. I know the bible says that God can't fail so I didn't understand. I had lived for God almost my entire life but never had my faith been shaken to its very core the way it did that day. I began to doubt every promise and every dream I had felt God had given me. I wanted to run. I wanted to go to get on a plane and go half way around the world and start my life over. I wanted to disappear. What was I going to do? What was next for my life? For the first time when I thought of my future all I saw was this big empty black hole.

I talked to my friend from Bible College and I told her I needed to get away. I wish it really had been half way around the world but instead I drove 4 hours to Las Cruces, New Mexico. I didn't have anything left. All I had was a ministry that God had given me and I needed to know if that still existed or if it was dead like my dream of marriage. I had to get peace from God or I felt if I didn’t I would just burst.

When I was 13 years old I felt like God had told me that one day I was going to be a speaker at ladies conference. I had written a book about my life called Famous In Battle a few years back and with it came opportunities to speak at churches. Every time I would sing, play the piano, and minister with my testimony I felt like I was in the will of God. I hadn't spoken at a church for five year since I had left Bible College. It was something that sort of died when I came home to Arizona but I still felt it was there. With all that had happened I needed to be reminded that God still had a plan for my life. That even though my heart was hanging on to life-support that God was still going to use me.

So here was I was scared out of my mind on a Sunday morning at a church I had never been too. My mom had insisted on coming with me because my friend had bailed on me at the last minute. The first song during the song service was You Have Turned My Morning Into Dancing. I felt for a second that God had whispered into my ear that my heart would not always be broken. Some tears formed in my eyes as I felt a warmth come over me and my nervousness melted away. Then the pastor announced for me to come up and speak. I took the microphone and I began to read my scripture in Corinthians about the thorn in Paul's side and how the Lord said, "My grace is sufficient for thee and made perfect in your weakness." I told how a car hit me at age 3 and how God used that accident to bring my family to church. I told them how God had been good to me and about all the things in ministry I was involved in. I told them that I had learned to be content in whatsoever state I am in. I told them that this life is only temporary that even if I never walk again that one-day I will walk on streets of God. Then I sang my song In the Presence of Jehovah and I could see the tears in my mom’s eyes as she saw me minister in a way she had never seen me before. After I was done the preacher preached and mentioned how that what I had spoken was so line with his message that morning. Then something came alive in me. It was Hope. I had just unleashed all of my hopes and dreams in a cold casket and had laid them to rest beneath 6ft of dirt. But then suddenly if I focused hard enough I could hear a heart beat. My ministry was still alive and for that I was eternally thankful. Although I still came home to Arizona as single as I've ever been I held inside me something more important. God had begun to restore my faith. God had reminded me that it wasn't over and that my life had purpose. Before that day my mortal mind could not even fathom the possibility that one day my heart would be made whole again. I felt as though I would live the rest of my life feeling broken and undone inside.
The truth is I may never understand why I didn't marry the man I identified for years as my soul mate. It still doesn't really make sense to me but I know that God has His reasons and He knows the future. I suppose that's all I really need to know!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Let God Choose

"I want the white one with the leather interior and heated seats and if I cant have that one I don't really care to get another car"

I was angry when these words started pouring out of my mouth without any regards to what I was putting my parents through or what I was truly saying. I was obviously stressed and not thinking rationally acting like a spoiled teenager. I needed a new car and there was no way around that. My old blue Mustang that I had owned since I was 17 wasn't safe for me to drive anymore. I didn't have a whole lot of money and my options were growing thin but all I could think about was that I wanted that White brand new Mustang. I had called dealer after dealer in the state of Arizona and even some in New Mexico and Nevada and this was the car that caught my eye and seemed for a moment within my reach. It was a lot more than what I was willing to pay but the dealer said he would do whatever it took for me to get it. Then after running all the numbers he let me know I didn't posses enough credit to sign for it myself. I was so crushed. I didn't want to get an older car with someone Else's problems. My parents said if I really had to have it they would sign for me. It just didn't seem fair though for them to do that. My mom was trying so hard to help me out but I just couldn't see any other options. I was so frustrated that I wasn't getting what I wanted.

I looked online one night and came across a 2009 Torch red Mustang with only 7k miles. I didn't want a red car but the price was amazingly cheap and even though I was super reluctant I emailed it to my mom and went to bed. The next day she handed me the pages with the information on the car. She said if you want it you need to call and make it happen. I was still so upset but I made the call and the next day I was driving to Tempe, AZ to trade in my car for this other one. After going over all the paper work we realized I could put this car in my own name and it was over a hundred dollars less a month then what I would have paid for the White one. The dealer was willing to give me far more money for my trade in than anyone else would which was simply unheard of. This car was still under warranty and had the all the things I wanted and needed minus the leather and the seat warmers. We drove home and I didn't know what to think at first. I felt like I was settling for second best and that wasn't the kind of person that I was even if it was just a car. This wasn't at all like me. I wasn't the kind of girl who just pitched a fit for just anything but I felt so strongly that if I didn't get the car that I wouldn't be happy. This was a huge commitment and it was something I was going to have to drive for years to come.

That night when I got home it started to sink in. I really did get an amazing car even if it wasn't Brand, Brand new. Even though I thought at the moment that I wanted a white car I realized that it was really too plain of a color for me. The bright red stood out and embraced my unique personality. I wanted the leather seats and the heater warmers but I didn't actually need those things I just thought I did. This car was what I could afford and sensibly live with. God knew what I needed even though I was too stubborn at first to let Him chose for me. I remember praying and telling God how sorry I was for being so blind and so childish. D = Draft more

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When all my friends saw my car they were all blown away by its beauty and when I tell them the story of how I ended up with it they all agree that God must have worked it all out for me to be so blessed with something so wonderful. I really am blessed and every time I climb in that car I am reminded of it again and again and I feel so foolish for trying to do things my way instead of God's. Even though we aren't good God is good all the Time!

I realize how many times we do this in our lives. We want something so bad because its all we can see at the moment. Our human eyes cant see the big picture. We want to hold on tight to the things we believe are suppose to be but often we find that we are wrong. Its only when we finally start to give in and let go that we realize God has so much better things for us then what we wanted for ourselves. God wont pry our hands open He just waits until our fingers began to surrender. Its not always pleasant when God takes away our dreams and hopes and they seem like they have vanished forever but the truth its its only because He is just about to make it come true. We may think we are settling for something less but in all reality we are getting the very best. We just have to let God chose.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Forgotten

Who are the Forgotten? Who are those people who wander in our Apostolic Circles unrecognized? Who are the ones who need the most love and the most compassion? Who are the ones who feel the most out of place and who feel as though words cannot properly define who they are? Who are the souls that everyone gives up on and hangs on a dusty has-been shelf? They I confess to you are the Singles.

No, I'm not talking about the ones who may have chosen wrong in marriage and whether it be their fault or not ended in divorce. I'm not talking about the ones who in the heat of the moment made a crucial mistake and conceived a child out of wedlock. God has a very special plan for their lives but I'm not an expert in that area so I'll just stick to what I know. I'm talking about the single people who just have been unlucky in love and finding "the One". Its as if they are being punished for taking the right path, waiting on God, and not settling. Its these guys and gals who every person who got married young races to give advice to about a subject they quite frankly know nothing about. "Just stop wanting someone so bad, focus on the Lord, and when you least expect it, it will happen". I'm afraid despite any ones imagination, that's not really how it works. Its depressing when you get the sentimental looks from people who think of you as broken and keep asking why on earth you are not married. It kind of makes you take a minute and ask yourself, "What on earth is really wrong with me?" So the singles have demolished the cookie cutter mold of the Apostolic way of being married by the age of 20 and that simply cant be acceptable! Its insane how most people believes this huge lie that married people are so much more mature and Super Spiritual than any single person could ever be even if they are maybe only 19 years old. It's as if you waking up to someone every morning makes you any of these things. I know its not all in my head because even if people wont actually say its true they certainly act like it is. O my! Talk about things that make you want to throw up!

An old friend from Bible College mentioned something to me the other day. She said that she felt it shallow for others to dismiss the fact that she is a college graduate, has spent time over seas helping missionaries, has many musical talents and other abilities, and has over all an amazing life and focus on the one thing that she isn't and that's married. Its as if all of her accomplishments don't mean a thing because she didn't take someone Else's last name. Its seems pretty cruel to only to define worth someone purely based on their marital status. I can't help but wonder what kind of message we are sending to our younger generation of Sunday School girls. Do we tell them you can do anything you set your mind to and do whatever God desires for you to do but above all get married because THAT is the biggest accomplishment of all times? ? Why do we put married woman on a pedal stool with dignity and respect but treat Singles like they are nobody? Single people have full filling lives traveling the world, being carefree, and doing whatever God desires them to do. That hardly sounds like a horrific life to me. The truth is the grass really Isn't always greener on the other side. Marriage is not the answer to all of our problems and its saddening to think that this is the only goal that some young ladies have for their lives.

I guess I should stop right here and say I am all for marriage and as sentimental as it may sounds I still believe that out there somewhere there is an amazing man that God has created for me. Sadly he hasn't found me yet but I believe that at the end of the day its much better to wait on God. So I'll keep waiting but there are so many things in the mean time I have to say and so many thoughts in my head that I don't think people realize. My mission is nothing more than awareness to The Forgotten so I'll carry on with my thoughts.

I wonder if anyone ever tried to give Jesus advice about dating. Oh my the man was 33 years old and Not married! Did someone ever ask the Apostle Paul why he wasn't married? Did the prophet Daniel get subject to the sad look and told he couldn't be part of the leadership in the church even though he was more than qualified only because he didn't have a gal hanging on his arm? Perhaps there are just people who are not meant to get married or simply don't want to get married? Now there is a concept! Does anyone dare ask Bro Stoneking why he isn't married??

We often tell our new converts that if we have the Lord we have everything. We even sing the song during worship service about "Jesus is all I need". So I started to think the other day. Do we really believe that? If we really believed that Jesus is all we need then there wouldn't be so much pressure for people to get married at such a young age. People could be married or not married and it wouldn't really matter. We would instead believe that truly a broken person is not someone who doesn't have a spouse but someone who does not have God in their lives. If we have the Lord we can face whatever the world throws our way. Just a thought...

I don't understand why God didn't just flat out arrange marriages so we would all be married by 20 and there would be no romantic drama. The sad reality is that it didn't happen that way. We just have to do the best we can and not treat our singles like they are little teenagers and tell them they just need to go to youth services and deal with it. There has to be more done. We are losing these people all the time and they are disappearing from our pews chasing dating prospects in the world. No one thinks to send them life preserver while they are sinking under feeling alone and misunderstood. "They just need to live for God!" Yes, Yes, I agree with that 110% but a little love and compassion would go a long ways.

I'm not really that cynical. I don't always feel this way and there are times when being Single doesn't bother me at all. It could be that you can't relate to anything I've said and that's okay. Everyone is different and we all live our lives in different circumstances. But sometimes its good to put out there whats in your heart and what concerns your mind. I seem to have found a blessing in not being married at the moment and as bizarre as it may sound that blessing is the gift of being able to relate to people that maybe others can't relate to. I'm not hating on married people. In all of this I still find comfort in the scripture in Romans 8:28 that’s says , “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according” to his purpose. If God blessed you and you were lucky enough to find a wonderful spouse that's great! I just wanted to point out that not everyone is always so lucky. We are all different and despite it God has a plan for all of our lives. I hope every single person find their soul mate and lives happily ever after. I believe that God knows all things and He is the one who created the institution of marriage. It helps at times to see the perspective of others who are never heard. I think sometimes we need to just be reminded about The Forgotten.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Attention all Pentecostal Conferences Goers!

So I want to know if we can make a list of all the different Pentecostal Conferences going on this year. I for one need to broaden my horizons and got to some new ones. Does anyone know of anything going on in March in New Mexico or Colorado in March? I'll be headed in that direction then. I would love it if some of you would post names of conferences their locations and dates for the year. I think it would be helpful unless anyone knows already.

Conqueors Conference in Tucson,Az is the last week of December.


Monday, January 11, 2010

Its a New Year!

Its insane how 2010 kinda of creeped up on us. I think I'm still in denial that this will be there year that I turn the huge and horrid big 3-0! Is this really real? I dont feel a day past 23!I dont know exactly how I feel about all these monumentus events that will be bestowed by 2010. My youngest brother is moving out into his own home in a few days and although I know I will see him often it still remain bittersweet.

I got my wheelchair finally and I have to say that my mother was probably more excited than I was. Its taken a while for me to get used to it.

My dearest friend Sarah from bible college came and spent a few days with me and that was great. We had so much to talk about and I'm know there were topics we didnt even get a chance to touch. Its was nice having someone here who knows that part of me that hardly anyone really understands. JCM was a huge part of my life and probably some of my most memorable days were spent there.

There is so much more to say and hopefully I will get back and write more and try to be a bit more consistant about blogging. Life has a way of catching up to you and taking you for a loop when you least expect it.